1 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:10,000 DEFENSE ATTORNEYS WHO DEFEND THEM. 2 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:12,000 THIS IS ONE OF THEIR STORIES. 3 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,000 JUST FINISHED UP WITH THE CLERK. 4 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,000 HE'S SHOOK UP BUT OKAY. 5 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,000 SAID THE GUY JUST FLIPPED OUT, STARTED DANCING LIKE 6 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:20,000 MICHAEL JACKSON, THEN SHOWED A GUN AND ROBBED THE PLACE. 7 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,000 PERP WAS A BLACK MALE, AROUND 19, REALLY SEXY -- 8 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,000 SEXY? 9 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,000 EXACTLY HOW SEXY? 10 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:28,000 DIMPLES, "HONEY BROWN" COMPLEXION, CHISELED ABS, EXTRA 11 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:30,000 SHINY CHAP-STICKED LIPS... 12 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,000 DAMN, THAT IS SEXY. 13 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,000 THERE'S ONLY ONE 19-YEAR-OLD BLACK MALE THAT MATCHES THAT 14 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,000 SEXY PROFILE. 15 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,000 PRETTY BOY FLIZZY. 16 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,000 NEVER HEARD OF HIM. 17 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:40,000 UM, ONLY THE HOTTEST UP-AND-COMING RandB STAR! 18 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:43,000 YOU'VE HEARD OF HIS SONGS -- "TITTY TELETHON"? 19 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,000 "PLEASURE ME ORALLY"? 20 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,000 "DON'T TOUCH MY ANUS, GIRL"? 21 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,000 HOW WOULD I HAVE HEARD THIS? 22 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:49,000 OKAY, I KNOW YOU'VE HEARD, "YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH!" 23 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:51,000 ALL DAY LONG ON THE RADIO, THAT'S ALL I HEAR, EVEN ON THE 24 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,000 WHITE STATIONS. 25 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,000 NO, I HAVEN'T HEARD "YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH!" 26 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,000 THAT'S DISGUSTING. 27 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,000 EH, IT'S NOT MY THING, BUT IT'S WHAT PASSES FOR RandB NOW, 28 00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,000 ALL RIGHT? 29 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,000 WHAT CAN I SAY? 30 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,000 I GOT TEENAGE DAUGHTERS. 31 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,000 THEY'RE INTO BLACK GUYS, SO THIS IS WHAT I GOT TO HEAR. 32 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,000 WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD OLD DAYS WHEN BLACK SINGERS WOULD 33 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,000 DRESS IN HIGH-HEEL BOOTS OR BURN HOOKERS WITH CRACK PIPES? 34 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:10,000 YOU'RE SHOWING YOUR AGE, MY FRIEND. 35 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:13,000 FLIZZY'S IN TOWN, DOING A SHOW AT WOODCREST POST PAVILION 36 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,000 I WAS HOPING TO GO. 37 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,000 NOW I HAVE AN EXCUSE. 38 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,000 BUILDER REFUSED 39 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,000 INSPIRATION THAT MADE LADY SING 40 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:40,000 COME 41 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,000 TILL THE WAR IS WON 42 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,000 GRANDDAD, WHAT WE GOT TO EAT?! 43 00:01:58,000 --> 00:01:59,000 Granddad: RENT! 44 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,000 Granddad: THEN HAVE SLEEP FOR DINNER! 45 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:02,000 YOU CAN EAT TOMORROW. 46 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,000 YOU'RE GETTING FAT ANYWAY! 47 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:07,000 THE SECURITY-CAMERA FOOTAGE YOU'RE WATCHING IS ALLEGEDLY OF 48 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:11,000 RandB SUPERSTAR PRETTY BOY FLIZZY HOLDING UP A LIQUOR STORE IN 49 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,000 WOODCREST. 50 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,000 WHILE IT IS DIFFICULT TO CLEARLY SEE THE SUSPECT'S FACE, 51 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,000 AUTHORITIES SAY HIS SEXINESS IS AN EXACT MATCH. 52 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,000 THIS ISN'T FLIZZY'S FIRST RUN-IN WITH THE LAW. 53 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:24,000 LAST YEAR, HE RECEIVED FOUR MONTHS PROBATION AFTER BEATING 54 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:27,000 HIS THEN-GIRLFRIEND CHRISTIANNA LIVE ONSTAGE DURING THE GRAMMYS. 55 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:33,000 I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY FANS FOR BEATING MY HOT 56 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,000 RandB GIRLFRIEND. 57 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,000 I LET MY FANS DOWN. 58 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:39,000 WITHOUT YOU, I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE AN RandB GIRLFRIEND TO BEAT. 59 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:42,000 A YEAR BEFORE THAT, FLIZZY RECEIVED A TWO-YEAR SUSPENDED 60 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:45,000 SENTENCE FOR SMUGGLING AUTOMATIC WEAPONS FROM NICARAGUAN REBELS. 61 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:49,000 I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY FANS FOR SMUGGLING 62 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:52,000 AUTOMATIC WEAPONS FROM SOUTH AMERICAN DEATH SQUADS. 63 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:55,000 I MAKE NO EXCUSES, OTHER THAN IT WAS A REALLY GOOD DEAL AND THEY 64 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,000 WERE THROWING IN A LOT OF FREE AMMUNITION. 65 00:02:57,000 --> 00:03:00,000 SIX MONTHS AGO, FLIZZY WAS ARRESTED FOR FIGHTING IN THE 66 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,000 V.I.P. SECTION OF A NIGHTCLUB WITH NICKI MINAJ. 67 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:06,000 I'D JUST LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL MY FANS, FOR FIGHTING IN THE 68 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:09,000 V.I.P. SECTION WITH NICKI MINAJ. 69 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:12,000 IN MY DEFENSE, I THOUGHT SHE WAS A ROBOT SENT FROM THE FUTURE TO 70 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,000 KILL ME. 71 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,000 WOODCREST TEA PARTY CHAIRMAN UNCLE RUCKUS STAGED A SMALL 72 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:17,000 PROTEST AT THE VENUE TODAY. 73 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:20,000 Ruckus: WHO KEEPS GIVING THESE HIGH-YELLOW FELONS RECORD 74 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,000 CONTRACTS?! 75 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,000 OH, OH, IT'S JUST A RECORD YOU SAY! 76 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:27,000 WELL, WHITE FOLKS, YOU WON'T BE SAYING THAT WHEN THE NIGGA THAT 77 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:30,000 SINGS ON THAT RECORD COMES TO TOWN AND IMPREGNATES ALL THE 78 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,000 WHITE WOMEN OF CHILD-REARING AGE! 79 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,000 AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HE PLANS TO DO! 80 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:39,000 JUST THINK OF ALL THE GOVERNMENT MONEY AND FOOD STAMPS THAT THEM 81 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:42,000 LITTLE MIXED-RACE QUADROON NIGGA CHILDREN WILL BE CONSUMING! 82 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,000 AND THEY CONSUME A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN REGULAR CHILDREN 83 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,000 'CAUSE THEY EATIN' FOR TWO RACES! 84 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,000 OTHERS FELT DIFFERENTLY. 85 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,000 I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS. 86 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,000 FLIZZY CAN WHUP MY ASS ANYTIME! 87 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,000 COME ON! BEAT IT UP, FLEEZY! 88 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,000 WHOO! 89 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:58,000 Sarah: I WANT YOU TO GET MAD AT ME, ONCE IN AWHILE, YOU KNOW? 90 00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,000 Tom: IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND... 91 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,000 Granddad: TURN THAT DOWN. 92 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,000 NOW LISTEN, LISTEN. Shh! 93 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,000 Sarah: I'M TIRED OF IT! 94 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,000 IT'S BORING! 95 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:05,000 IT'S BORING ME TO DEATH! 96 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,000 Tom: SARAH, PLEASE CALM DOWN! 97 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:11,000 I SAID I APOLOGIZE! 98 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,000 Sarah: THERE YOU GO AGAIN. 99 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:13,000 YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN! 100 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,000 Sarah: APOLOGIZING! 101 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,000 Tom: YOU DON'T WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE? 102 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,000 Sarah: NO, I DON'T! 103 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,000 Tom: OKAY, I'M SORRY I'M APOLOGIZING. 104 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,000 Sarah: YOU DID IT AGAIN! 105 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,000 Tom: SARAH, CALM DOWN! 106 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,000 I'M SORRY. 107 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,000 I'M SORRY! 108 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,000 I CAN'T STOP! 109 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,000 Sarah: OH, I SWEAR TO GOD, TOM, IF YOU APOLOGIZE AGAIN, YOU 110 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,000 ARE OUT OF HERE! 111 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,000 Tom: I'M -- MM. 112 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,000 OKAY. 113 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,000 THEN JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO. 114 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,000 Sarah: THAT'S THE PROBLEM, TOM! 115 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,000 I DON'T WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO! 116 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:40,000 I WANT YOU TO DO WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO BUT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO 117 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,000 DO IT! 118 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,000 BUT WHY NOT JUST TELL ME?! 119 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,000 Sarah: BECAUSE! 120 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,000 NO WOMAN WAKES UP AND SAYS, "GEE, I HOPE MY MAN DOES 121 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,000 EVERYTHING I TELL HIM TO TODAY." 122 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,000 YOU'RE THE MAN, TOM! 123 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,000 SOMETIMES I WANT YOU TO DOMINATE! 124 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,000 TAKE CONTROL! 125 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,000 IF I'M OUT OF LINE, PUT ME IN CHECK! 126 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,000 Tom: SURE, HONEY. 127 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,000 WHATEVER YOU SAY. 128 00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,000 Sarah: OHH! TOM! 129 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,000 Tom: FINE! 130 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,000 I HEAR YOU! 131 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:05,000 FROM NOW ON, I'LL TAKE CONTROL, AND I WON'T APOLOGIZE ANYMORE. 132 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,000 EXCEPT, WAIT. 133 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:09,000 YOU WANTED ME TO STOP APOLOGIZING, SO I'M SUPPOSED TO 134 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,000 DO THE OPPOSITE OF THAT. 135 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,000 RIGHT? 136 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,000 YEAH, SO THEN I GUESS I WILL APOLOGIZE, THEN... 137 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,000 IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT WITH YOU. 138 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,000 SORRY? 139 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,000 GET OUT. 140 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:24,000 Tom: NOW, HONEY, DON'T DO -- Sarah: GET OUT! 141 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,000 Tom: OW! 142 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:26,000 Riley: AW, MAN, HERE HE COME! 143 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,000 Granddad: RILEY, HIT THE LIGHTS! 144 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,000 Riley: MM-HMM. 145 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,000 Granddad: HUEY, ELECTRONICS! 146 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,000 ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. 147 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,000 I'M TIRED OF THAT HENPECKED SIMP COMING OVER HERE EVERY TIME 148 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,000 SHE THROWS HIM OUT, SCREAMING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. 149 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,000 THIS TIME, HE CAN SLEEP IN THE YARD. 150 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:39,000 WHILE IT IS DIFFICULT TO CLEARLY SEE THE SUSPECT'S FACE, 151 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,000 AUTHORITIES HA-- 152 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,000 Tom: PLEASE. 153 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,000 Huey: IT'S TOILET PAPER AND 154 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:06,000 A POP-TART. 155 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,000 HEY, DON'T TELL MY GRANDDAD ABOUT THIS. 156 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,000 WE NOT SUPPOSED TO FEED YOU. 157 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,000 Tom: I REALLY DON'T THINK IT'S PRUDENT TO RECORD AN 158 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,000 I'M NOT RECORDING. 159 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,000 THIS IS A LIVE STREAM. 160 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,000 WHAT'S UP? 161 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,000 Y'ALL KNOW WHO IT IS -- PRETTY BEEZY FLEE-YEEZEY-WEEZY, 162 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,000 YOU KNOW? 163 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,000 I APPRECIATE ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT Y'ALL BEEN SENDING ME 164 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,000 SINCE THE WHOLE INCIDENT WENT DOWN. 165 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,000 NEVER FEAR. 166 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,000 GOT BIG LAWYERS ON THE CASE. 167 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,000 SAY WHAT'S UP TO TOM DuBOIS. 168 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:42,000 Tom: FLIZZY, I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO TURN IT OFF, NOW. 169 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,000 KILL THE CAMERA, B. 170 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,000 Tom: I ALSO THINK THESE PEOPLE SHOULD LEAVE. 171 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,000 "THESE PEOPLE?" YOU MEAN "THESE PEOPLE?" 172 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,000 Tom: I MEAN THESE PEOPLE. 173 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,000 YOU MEAN MY PEOPLE, NIGGA! 174 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,000 THESE MY PEOPLE. 175 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,000 ANYTHING YOU CAN SAY TO ME YOU CAN SAY IN FRONT OF THEM. 176 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,000 IF ANYTHING, NIGGA, YOU THE STRANGER HERE. 177 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:57,000 YOU SHOULD LEAVE THE ROOM. 178 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,000 Tom: IT'S MY OFFICE. 179 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,000 OKAY, THEN, SO WHAT'S THE BIG SECRET THAT YOU CAN'T 180 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:03,000 TELL ME IN FRONT OF MY FANS AND MY PEOPLE? 181 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,000 MATTER OF FACT, WHY AM I EVEN HERE? 182 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:08,000 Tom: YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR CRIMINAL CASE. 183 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,000 OH, THAT'S RIGHT! 184 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:12,000 Tom: I REVIEWED THE CASE, AND I'VE WATCHED THE SECURITY 185 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,000 COOL. SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK? 186 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,000 CAN YOU GET ME OFF? 187 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,000 Tom: DID YOU ROB THE LIQUOR STORE, FLIZZY? 188 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:21,000 I CAN'T SAY THAT...I DID IT, BUT, HONESTLY, REALLY CAN'T SAY 189 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:25,000 Tom: AND WHY CAN'T YOU SAY "F'SHO"? 190 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,000 UP! 191 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:29,000 Tom: AND HOW ABOUT THESE -- HOW ABOUT YOUR ENTOURAGE? 192 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,000 DO THEY KNOW ANYTHING? 193 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,000 UP, TOO! 194 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,000 HEY, MAN, WHEN WE GO OUT, WE GO HARD. 195 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:36,000 YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW COMPLICATED IT IS BEING ME. 196 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,000 ALL THE TIME I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I SAID. 197 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,000 Tom: HOW? 198 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:42,000 'CAUSE I GOT LIKE 18 PEOPLE TWEETING FOR ME AT ONE TIME. 199 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,000 UP! 200 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:46,000 SO, LIKE, I LOOK AT THE TAPE AND I SAY, "IS IT ME, OR IS IT 201 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:49,000 SOMEONE I JUST PAID TO ROB A LIQUOR STORE WHO LOOKS JUST LIKE 202 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,000 ME?" I DON'T KNOW. 203 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,000 Tom: OKAY, I WANT YOU TO KNOW UP FRONT THAT I HAVE SERIOUS 204 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:56,000 ISSUES WITH SOME OF YOUR BEHAVIOR IN THE PAST, ESPECIALLY 205 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,000 HITTING A WOMAN. 206 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,000 I KNEW YOU WAS GONNA SAY THAT. 207 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,000 CAN I TELL YOU MY SIDE OF IT, THOUGH? 208 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,000 Tom: NO, I DON'T -- CAN I TELL YOU MY SIDE OF IT, 209 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,000 THOUGH? 210 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:05,000 Tom: NO, FLIZZY, THERE'S -- CAN I TELL YOU MY SIDE OF IT 211 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,000 Tom: FINE! WHAT?! 212 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:11,000 UP! 213 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:14,000 SOON AS I GOT ARRESTED, I SAID, "I WANT THE DUDE THAT GOT 214 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,000 R. KELLY OFF." 215 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,000 Tom: WELL, I PROSECUTED R. KELLY, AND I -- 216 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,000 NEVER MIND. 217 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:21,000 Tom: MY ANSWER IS ALMOST CERTAINLY NO, BUT...I'LL THINK 218 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,000 ABOUT IT. 219 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,000 IF I DO TAKE THE CASE, MY RETAINER IS -- 220 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:26,000 MY RETAINER IS... 221 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,000 ENTERTAIN THAT. 222 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:32,000 Tom: PLEASE STOP THROWING MONEY AT ME. 223 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,000 THINGS A BITCH WILL NEVER SAY. 224 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:37,000 HEY, THAT'S A SONG! 225 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:43,000 A'IGHT, PIMPIN', I'M-A SEE YOU TOMORROW. 226 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:47,000 Tom: THAT SINGER PRETTY BOY FLIZZY CAME IN TODAY. 227 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,000 Sarah: PRETTY BOY FLIZZY? 228 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,000 ARE YOU SERIOUS? 229 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:52,000 HE'S HIRING YOU TO DEFEND HIM FOR THE LIQUOR-STORE THING? 230 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,000 TOM, THAT'S HUGE! 231 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,000 Tom: DON'T GET TOO EXCITED. 232 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,000 I'M NOT TAKING THE CASE. 233 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,000 Sarah: WHY NOT? 234 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,000 Tom: I DON'T WANT TO DEFEND A WOMAN-BEATER, FOR ONE. 235 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,000 Sarah: HE MADE A LITTLE TINY MISTAKE. 236 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,000 Tom: I GUESS HITTING A WOMAN IS OKAY IF YOU HAVE ABS, 237 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,000 Sarah: HE'S A TALENTED ARTIST. 238 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,000 Tom: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, OKAY. 239 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,000 SLOW DOWN. 240 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,000 "FLUID SWAP"? 241 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,000 "RUB AGAINST MY ERECTION"? 242 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,000 "YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH"? 243 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,000 I LOVE "YOU MAKE ME WANNA UNH!" 244 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,000 OH, DO YOU THINK YOU COULD GET HIM TO SING AT JAZMINE'S 245 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,000 BIRTHDAY? 246 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,000 Tom: NO! DO YOU LET HER LISTEN TO THAT? 247 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,000 Sarah: OUR PROBLEMS HAVE BEEN ROUGH ON HER. 248 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,000 IT WOULD BE NICE TO, YOU KNOW... 249 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,000 WHAT? 250 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,000 Tom: DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? 251 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,000 Sarah: WHAT? 252 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,000 Tom: THIS ISN'T ABOUT JAZMINE. 253 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,000 YOU WANT TO MEET PRETTY BOY FLIZZY. 254 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:36,000 NO, JAZMINE WANTS TO MEET PRETTY BOY FLIZZY. 255 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:39,000 Tom: NO, YOU WANT ME TO DEFEND PRETTY BOY FLIZZY BECAUSE 256 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,000 YOU WANT TO MEET HIM AND DO HIM! 257 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,000 Sarah: WHAT?! 258 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:46,000 Tom: YEAH! YEAH! YOU DO! 259 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,000 YOU WANT TO GO UNH ON HIM! 260 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,000 YOU WANT TO UNH ON HIM ALL NIGHT! 261 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:54,000 Sarah: I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW INSECURE YOU ARE! 262 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,000 LISTEN TO YOURSELF. 263 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:58,000 Tom: HE'S LIKE YOUR PERFECT MAN! 264 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:02,000 HE WON'T EVEN SAY SORRY WHEN HE POUNDS YOUR FACE IN! 265 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,000 Granddad: WAIT. 266 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,000 WAIT. 267 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,000 HE'S NOT COMING THIS WAY. 268 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,000 HE'S GETTING IN HIS CAR. 269 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:16,000 Tom: YOU'RE A SELFISH BASTARD, ROBERT FREEMAN! 270 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,000 Tom: I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA WORK OUT, FLIZZY. 271 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,000 WHY NOT? 272 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,000 Tom: WELL, IT'S NOT YOU. 273 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,000 IT'S ME. 274 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,000 I'M JUST DEALING WITH SOME PERSONAL PROBLEMS. 275 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,000 UP, MY DUDE! 276 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,000 YOU KNOW WHAT? 277 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,000 RIGHT NOW, WE'RE BOTH LETTING THE HATERS GET US DOWN. 278 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,000 WE GOT TO SHAKE THE HATERS. 279 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,000 DO THIS FOR ME, TOM. 280 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,000 COME ON. SHAKE THOSE HATERS. 281 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:41,000 I'M HATE-FREE, BUT I CAN STILL FEEL THE HATE ON YOU. 282 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:44,000 MMM. FEELS GOOD, DOESN'T IT? 283 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,000 OKAY, SO... 284 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,000 NOW WILL YOU TAKE THE CASE? 285 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:48,000 Tom: NO. 286 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,000 OKAY, FINE. 287 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,000 IF YOU CAN'T TAKE THE CASE, YOU CAN'T TAKE THE CASE. 288 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:54,000 IT JUST SEEMS LIKE ME -- SEXY, BUFF ALPHA MALE -- AND YOU -- 289 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:57,000 KINDHEARTED BUT FRUMPY EVERYMAN -- COULD SOMEHOW BE 290 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:58,000 ABLE TO HELP EACH OTHER. 291 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,000 Tom: AM I A FRUMPY EVERYMAN? 292 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,000 IS THAT WHY SHE'S LOST INTEREST?! 293 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,000 OF COURSE. 294 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,000 TOM! 295 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,000 YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE 296 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:12,000 YOU GOT NO FLASH, NO SWAG, NO THIN VENEER OF TOUGHNESS. 297 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:15,000 OF COURSE YOUR WIFE LEFT YOU AND IS DOING IT TO SOME RANDOM GUY. 298 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,000 Tom: THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID HAPPENED. 299 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,000 SO, LOOK -- YOU TAKE THE CASE, AND I TEACH YOU HOW TO 300 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:22,000 DRESS AND HOW TO TALK TO BITCHES AND SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE. 301 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,000 Tom: YOU KNOW WHAT? 302 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,000 WHY NOT? 303 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,000 YOU'RE NOT GONNA TEACH ME HOW TO DANCE, RIGHT? 304 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,000 NO. 305 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,000 NO DANCING. 306 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,000 BUT THERE WILL BE A SHOPPING MONTAGE. 307 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:34,000 TWO THINGS WOMEN HATE -- BROKE MEN AND BORING MEN. 308 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,000 GOOD NEWS IS, YOU'RE NOT BROKE. 309 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:39,000 BUT YOU ARE BORING, AND WOMEN HATE TO BE BORED, TOM. 310 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,000 THEY HATE TO BE BORED. 311 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:43,000 A WOMAN WOULD RATHER BE WITH A GUY THAT BEATS THEM TO DEATH 312 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,000 THAN BORES THEM TO DEATH. 313 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,000 TRUST ME, NIGGA, I KNOW. 314 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:50,000 BUT WHY DO THEY WANT ME, TOM? 315 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,000 IS IT MY INCREDIBLE SEXINESS? 316 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,000 SURE. 317 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,000 BUT WHY AM I SO SEXY? 318 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,000 WHAT IS THE SECRET TO MY SEXINESS? 319 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,000 MY MONEY, MY JEWELS, FAME? 320 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,000 ABSOLUTELY. 321 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:03,000 BUT, REALLY, IT'S BECAUSE I'M A UP. 322 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:07,000 I GET ARRESTED, I DO DRUGS, I ROB LIQUOR STORES -- ALLEGEDLY! 323 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,000 THAT'S WHAT ALL WOMEN WANT. 324 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,000 Tom: WHY? 325 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,000 BECAUSE WOMEN HAVE NO SELF-RESPECT! 326 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,000 Tom: WELL, MY WIFE HAS 327 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,000 SELF-RESPECT. 328 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,000 REALLY? YOU SURE? 329 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,000 Tom: YES! 330 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:20,000 SHE'S AN EDUCATED, WELL-ROUNDED, CONFIDENT WOMAN. 331 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,000 I MAY NEED TO MEET HER. 332 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,000 Tom: NO, NO, NO. NO. 333 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,000 I KNOW WHERE THIS GOES. 334 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,000 YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO MY WIFE. 335 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,000 DO YOUR WIFE? 336 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,000 TOM, I WOULDN'T DO YOUR WIFE. 337 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:31,000 Tom: YOU HAVE A SONG CALLED "I WILL DO YOUR WIFE!" 338 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,000 I DIDN'T MEAN YOUR WIFE! 339 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,000 I MEANT THAT METAPHORICALLY. 340 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,000 Tom: MM, I STILL DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA. 341 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:41,000 NIGGA, I SWEAR ON MY ABS -- ON MY ABS, NIGGA! -- I WILL NOT 342 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,000 TOUCH YOUR WIFE. 343 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:45,000 Tom: WELL, MY DAUGHTER WOULD LOVE TO MEET YOU. 344 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,000 A SMALL DINNER. 345 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,000 NO ENTOURAGE! 346 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,000 NO PROBLEM. 347 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:54,000 MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THESE 348 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,000 PEOPLE SHOWED UP. 349 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,000 Tom: WELL, MAYBE IF YOU HADN'T TWEETED OUR ADDRESS TO 350 00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,000 HEY, MAN... 351 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,000 Tom: YEAH, YOU WERE F'ed UP, I KNOW. 352 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,000 OKAY, SO, CHECK IT. 353 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:05,000 KEY WITH CHICKS IS TO INSULT THEM WHEN YOU COMPLIMENT THEM. 354 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,000 NEVER BE TOO NICE. 355 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,000 TRUST ME. 356 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,000 GO NEG ON HER. 357 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,000 KNOCK HER DOWN A PEG. 358 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:13,000 SHE'LL LOVE IT. 359 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,000 Tom: HEY, SWEETIE, YOU LOOK LOVELY TONIGHT. 360 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,000 Sarah: OH, THANK YOU, HONEY. 361 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,000 Tom: YEAH, BUT NOT AS NICE AS YOU THINK YOU LOOK. 362 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:25,000 Sarah: ASSHOLE! 363 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,000 Granddad: HEY, NEIGHBOR! 364 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,000 WE, UH, HEARD THERE'S A DINNER PARTY GOING DOWN, AND I NEVER 365 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:40,000 RECEIVED THE E-VITE, SO HERE WE ARE. 366 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,000 Tom: YOU DIDN'T GET ONE BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T INVITED. 367 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:45,000 YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE LEAVING ME OUT IN THE COLD AND THEN 368 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:48,000 WANTING TO COME TO THE FLIZZY DINNER FOR THE FREE FOOD. 369 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,000 Granddad: WE DIDN'T COME HERE FOR THE FREE FOOD. 370 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,000 WE CAME HERE TO WARN YOU. 371 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,000 TOM, YOU GOT TO GET THAT FLIZZY AWAY FROM YOUR WIFE! 372 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,000 IT'S BAD ENOUGH SHE'S TRAPPED IN THIS PASSIONLESS, SEXUALLY 373 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,000 UNFULFILLING MARRIAGE WITH YOU. 374 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,000 HER LADYPARTS PROBABLY BURNING WITH UNQUENCHABLE LUST, AND YOU 375 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,000 JUST GONNA DANGLE ALL THAT SEXINESS IN FRONT OF HER?! 376 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,000 Tom: HUH? 377 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,000 Riley: MAN, IT'S LIKE, "HERE, NIGGA, TAKE MY WIFE, PLEASE!" 378 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,000 Huey: YOU KNOW HE'S GOT A SONG CALLED -- 379 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,000 Tom: "I WILL DO YOUR WIFE," YES. 380 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:11,000 Huey: BUT THERE'S ALSO A SONG CALLED, "WHITE WIFEBOOTY." 381 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,000 KNOW THAT? 382 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,000 Tom: REALLY? 383 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,000 NO, NO, I DIDN'T. 384 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,000 AND IT DOESN'T MATTER, GUYS. 385 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,000 I-I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. 386 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,000 FLIZZY'S GONNA HELP ME WORK THINGS OUT WITH SARAH. 387 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,000 Granddad: OH, HE GONNA WORK SOMETHING OUT, ALL RIGHT. 388 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,000 THAT BOOTY. 389 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,000 Tom: HE'S HERE TO HELP. 390 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,000 Granddad: OH, HE GONNA HELP HIMSELF TO THAT BOOTY! 391 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,000 Tom: IT'S UNDER CONTROL! 392 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,000 Granddad: HE'S GONNA -- Tom: CONTROL THAT BOOTY. 393 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,000 GOT IT. 394 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,000 Granddad: I WASN'T GONNA SAY THAT. 395 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,000 HE GONNA BE UNDER THAT BOOTY! 396 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,000 Riley: HA HA! 397 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,000 GOOD ONE, GRANDDAD! 398 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,000 Tom: YEAH, HA, YEAH, VERY FUNNY GUYS. ENOUGH. 399 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,000 Granddad: AS LONG AS YOU KNOW. 400 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,000 NEXT TIME YOUR KIDS ARE BORN WITH GREAT ABS AND TATTOOS, 401 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,000 DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU. 402 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,000 COME ON, KIDS. LET'S EAT. 403 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,000 Sarah: 404 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:53,000 OH, MY GOD, FLIZZY, YOU'RE SO FUNNY AND SO POLITE. 405 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:57,000 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ROB LIQUOR STORES AND YOU BEAT UP WOMEN. 406 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,000 Tom: SARAH! 407 00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,000 NO, IT'S COOL. 408 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,000 SHE'S RIGHT. 409 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,000 I REALLY NEED TO STOP GETTING ARRESTED. 410 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,000 Sarah: I'M NOT PASSING JUDGMENT ABOUT THE CHRISTIANNA 411 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:08,000 I KNOW SOMETIMES BITCHES STEP OUT OF LINE. 412 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,000 LORD KNOWS I DO! 413 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,000 Tom: HONEY, THERE ARE 414 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:12,000 CHILDREN AT THE TABLE. 415 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:15,000 Sarah: NOW, I WANT TO BE CLEAR, KIDS -- HITTING A WOMAN 416 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,000 IS WRONG... 417 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,000 UNLESS SHE HITS YOU FIRST. 418 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,000 AIN'T THAT RIGHT! 419 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,000 Tom: WOW. 420 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,000 Sarah: OR SHE TALKS ABOUT YOUR MAMA! 421 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,000 Tom: SARAH, THAT IS ENOUGH! 422 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,000 Sarah: "SARAH, THAT'S ENOUGH." 423 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,000 Tom: SARAH, THAT'S IT! 424 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:30,000 YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF IN FRONT OF YOUR DAUGHTER AND IN 425 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,000 FRONT OF PRETTY BOY FLIZZY! 426 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,000 Riley: IT'S LIKE WE NOT EVEN HERE. 427 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,000 Tom: NOW, YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH. 428 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,000 YOU ARE GOING TO GO UPSTAIRS AND SLEEP IT OFF! 429 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:38,000 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, TOM? 430 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,000 HIT ME? 431 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,000 Tom: NO! I'M GONNA LEAVE YOU! 432 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,000 MWAH! 433 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,000 Jazmine: DADDY! 434 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,000 Sarah: TOM, WAIT! 435 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,000 TOM! 436 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,000 Granddad: TOM, GREW A PAIR. 437 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,000 DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING. 438 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:59,000 Riley: 439 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,000 BITTER. 440 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,000 SORRY TO BOTHER YOU. 441 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:07,000 DIDN'T REALLY HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO CALL. 442 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,000 EH, NO SWEAT, MAN. 443 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,000 THAT WAS ROUGH. 444 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,000 Tom: YEAH, IT WAS A DISASTER. 445 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,000 SO MUCH FOR MAKING A MAN OUT OF ME. 446 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,000 NAW, MAN. 447 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,000 TO JUST STAND UP AND WALK OUT, THAT TOOK GUTS. 448 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:18,000 Tom: ALL I ENDED UP LEARNING IS MY WIFE LIKES YOU BETTER. 449 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,000 YOUR WIFE DOESN'T LIKE ME BETTER. 450 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,000 YOU GUYS ARE BOTH JUST BORING AS 451 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,000 YOU'RE ROLLING WITH ME TONIGHT. 452 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,000 I'M TAKING YOU TO MAN CAMP. 453 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,000 BUT I DON'T HANG WITH NO NEGATIVE-ENERGY-SUCKING 454 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:30,000 SO GATHER UP SOME POSITIVITY IN THIS BITCH RIGHT 455 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,000 QUICK AND LET'S ROLL OUT. 456 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,000 Tom: OKAY! I CAN BE POSITIVE. 457 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,000 I'M NOT A LOSER. 458 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:40,000 I CAN...GET STUFF...HAPPENING, AND I GOT STUFF GOING ON! 459 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,000 THINGS COULD BE WORSE. 460 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,000 I COULD BE THAT GUY. 461 00:16:44,000 --> 00:17:04,000 IT'S A MIRROR, TOM. 462 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,000 WELCOME. 463 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,000 Tom: OH, WHAT THE HECK. 464 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,000 IT'S MAN CAMP. 465 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,000 Tom: HEY, THIS IS THE BUY-N-FLY THAT FLIZZY ROBBED. 466 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:35,000 FUNNY. 467 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,000 Tom: TYLENOL? 468 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,000 I'M TELLING YOU, WE'VE 469 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,000 WATCHED THIS THING A MILLION TIMES. 470 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,000 WE KNOW THAT'S FLIZZY. 471 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,000 CASE CLOSED. 472 00:17:56,000 --> 00:18:01,000 HA HA HA! YEAH! 473 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,000 CUT! 474 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,000 THERE WAS A P.A. IN THE SHOT! 475 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,000 RESET! 476 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,000 MAN, I'M GETTING SWEATY. 477 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,000 PRETTY'S SWEATY. 478 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,000 IS SOMEONE DEAF? 479 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,000 SHINE CHECK! 480 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,000 CAN YOU THROW ME A LINE? 481 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,000 TRYING TO GET MY UNION CARD. 482 00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:20,000 FIND ANYTHING, COLUMBO? 483 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,000 Tom: UH, NOPE! 484 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,000 NOTHING. 485 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:30,000 THANKS, JACK. 486 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,000 MRS. DuBOIS, DO YOU MIND IF 487 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,000 WE DO A QUICK SOUND CHECK? 488 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:38,000 Sarah: OF COURSE. GO AHEAD. 489 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:42,000 " ON 1, 2, 3 -- 490 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,000 Sarah: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! 491 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:44,000 HOLD ON! 492 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,000 EXCUSE ME JUST A SEC. 493 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,000 YOU, UH, CAN'T SING THAT AT JAZMINE'S PARTY. 494 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,000 YOU DON'T LIKE IT? 495 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,000 Sarah: NO! I LOVE THAT SONG. 496 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,000 A LOT, ACTUALLY. 497 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,000 WITH SOMETHING. 498 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,000 Sarah: NO, NO. 499 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,000 HOW ABOUT "CAKE"? 500 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,000 SURE THING, MRS. DuBOIS. 501 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,000 WHAT'S UP, TIGER? 502 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,000 Tom: YOU FAKED THE ROBBERY. 503 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,000 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 504 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:13,000 Tom: I WATCHED THE SURVEILLANCE TAPE, FLIZZY -- THE 505 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,000 WHOLE TAPE. 506 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,000 I KNOW YOU STAGED THE ROBBERY. 507 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,000 YOU JUST COULDN'T LEAVE ALONE, COULD YOU? 508 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,000 Tom: WHAT ELSE WAS FAKE? 509 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,000 WERE THE NICARAGUAN GUNS FAKE? 510 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,000 DID YOU REALLY EVEN BEAT CHRISTIANNA? 511 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,000 DON'T YOU EVER QUESTION WHETHER OR NOT I BEAT 512 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:26,000 CHRISTIANNA! 513 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,000 I WHUPPED THAT BITCH'S ASS! 514 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,000 BUT THE NICKI MINAJ THING WAS STAGED. 515 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,000 SHE AIN'T REALLY A CYBORG, EITHER. 516 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,000 SHE'S A NICE GIRL. 517 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,000 DAMN, TOM. 518 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,000 WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS? 519 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,000 Tom: I'M YOUR ATTORNEY! 520 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,000 THIS IS MY BUSINESS! 521 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,000 BUT WHY? 522 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,000 'CAUSE I GOT TO STAY RELEVANT! THAT'S WHY! 523 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,000 SUCKS RIGHT NOW! 524 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,000 YOU GOT TO ACT LIKE AN IDIOT JUST TO STAY IN THEIR 525 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:47,000 FACES! 526 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,000 BUT IF I CAN STAY IN JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF TROUBLE, I'LL BE 527 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:53,000 MY AUDIENCE IS WOMEN, TOM -- WOMEN. 528 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,000 AND WOMEN HATE TO BE BORED. 529 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,000 Tom: LOOK, FLIZZY, I'M SORRY. 530 00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,000 I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS. 531 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,000 I DON'T LIVE IN YOUR WORLD. 532 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,000 I'M A SIMPLE GUY. 533 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,000 I JUST WANT TO DO MY JOB, TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY, AND I NEEDED 534 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:09,000 SOME HELP TRYING TO GET MY WIFE BACK. 535 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,000 OH, YOU WANT YOUR WIFE BACK? 536 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:13,000 HOW ABOUT NOT INVITING A NIGGA THAT'S RICHER THAN YOU AND 537 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,000 PRETTIER THAN YOU TO MEET YOUR WIFE? 538 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,000 I MEAN, HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE, NIGGA? 539 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,000 Tom: WHAT? 540 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,000 BUT I-I THOUGHT WE WERE -- THOUGHT WHAT, NIGGA?! 541 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,000 I'M TIRED OF YOUR PUNK-ASS! 542 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:25,000 FLIZZY, I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST 543 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,000 LEAVE. 544 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,000 LEAVE? 545 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,000 I MIGHT AS WELL MOVE IN THIS BITCH. 546 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,000 YOU ALREADY DONE GAVE ME YOUR WIFE. 547 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,000 THIS IS MY HOUSE! 548 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,000 JAZMINE'S GONNA BE CALLING ME DADDY FROM NOW ON. 549 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,000 Tom: NOW, THAT'S ENOUGH! 550 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,000 OH, YOU MAD, TOM? 551 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,000 WHAT YOU GONNA DO? 552 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,000 YOU WANT TO HIT ME? 553 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,000 HIT ME, TOM! 554 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,000 FLIZZY, I'M WARNING YOU... 555 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,000 HIT ME, TOM. 556 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,000 COME ON, HIT ME NOW! 557 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:49,000 Tom: ALL RIGHT, YOU ASKED FOR IT! 558 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,000 Sarah: TOM! 559 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:54,000 AAH! 560 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,000 YOU'RE NOT TAKING MY FAMILY! 561 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,000 Sarah: TOM! OH, MY GOD! 562 00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,000 TOM, STOP! 563 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:00,000 Ruckus: OH! I KNEW IT! 564 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,000 I KNEW IT! 565 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,000 CITIZEN'S ARREST! 566 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,000 I'M MAKING A CITIZEN'S ARREST! 567 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:07,000 Tom: 568 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,000 Riley: NOW SHUT UP! 569 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,000 STOP SQUIRMING! 570 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,000 YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT! 571 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,000 Sarah: OH! 572 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,000 BABY, ARE YOU OKAY?! 573 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,000 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT. 574 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,000 YOU WERE A MANIAC! 575 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,000 I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU LIKE THAT. 576 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,000 Ruckus: ALL RIGHT, GET MOVING, GET MOVING. 577 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:27,000 AVERT YOUR EYES, AVERT YOUR EYES. 578 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:28,000 JUST A NIGGA GOING TO JAIL. 579 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:32,000 NOTHING TO SEE HERE. 580 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,000 Sarah: OH, HONEY, I'M SO SORRY. 581 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:36,000 I WAS SUCH A BITCH, AND YOU DIDN'T DESERVE ANY OF THAT. 582 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,000 Tom: YES. 583 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:40,000 YES, YOU WERE A..."B." 584 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:41,000 Sarah: PLEASE COME HOME. 585 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,000 PLEASE. 586 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,000 I HAVE CAKE. 587 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,000 LET'S GET YOU UPSTAIRS. 588 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:51,000 YOU READY FOR SOME SARAH CAKE? 589 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,000 NAUGHTY! 590 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:58,000 Tom: 591 00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,000 OH, MY BACK! 592 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:03,000 OH! I'M SORRY. 593 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:04,000 YEAH. 594 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:23,000 NO